I'm currently curled up in a burrito of blankets trying not to let the jealousy get the better of me and catapult me into a world of miserable moodiness.
My dramatics are actually quite reasonable and entirely justified because I'm not going to Ibiza this year and I'm heartbroken about it.
I miss Ocean Beach, I miss West-End, I miss Ushuiaia, I miss everything!
Except the pints of Sketamine. I really don't miss the Sketamine.
Anyway, I've made a list of things that explain why, actually, HOLIDAYS SUCK, and you're better off being in Britain anyway...
1. Nostalgic Music. You're in the car driving somewhere; the radio's playing, the wind is in your hair and all of a sudden that Magaluf 2012 classic is blasting and you absolutely were not prepared. Cue the reminiscing and the tears.
2. The flight home. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction". If the flight there is a whirlwind of excitement and enthusiastic clapping at touch-down courtesy of one too many vodka's, then the flight home is always the opposite. Think the dreaded Rushkinoff Cough, inhumane contortions of the body until you (hopefully) doze off, turbulence. The dream is officially over.
3. Bad Weather. Over-cast skies, rain and tropical storms. NO FAIR.
4. The Sea. It's an unwritten rule that you HAVE to frollick in the Mediterranean because it's pretty, it's blue and it's warm; all the things the Atlantic/Pacific(??) is not. However the sea is still the sea and regardless of which sea you're splashing around in and the dreaded "SOMETHING JUST TOUCHED MY FOOT" still exists. Also jellyfish. And also sharks.
5. Hotel security. I get it, security are there for a reason; they keep the hotel safe but MY GOD what a pain in the arse they are when you've just got off with the fit lad from London and want to give him "a tour of your room" and maybe "make him a coffee".
6. People who are more tanned than you. Can you not.
7. Foreign supermakets. Why do they not sell squash???
8. Having no eyebrows, no eyelashes and suspiciously sticky leftover hair from the night before. And then bumping into a group of fit lads from Ireland.
8. Having no eyebrows, no eyelashes and suspiciously sticky leftover hair from the night before. And then bumping into a group of fit lads from Ireland.
9. Unreliable wi-fi. If you need to keep up to date with your not-my-boyfriend-boyfriend's activity on social media, it's literally infuriating. Plus, holiday law dictates a 'hot-dogs or legs' upload to Instagram is mandatory.
10. Hangovers. Torn between taking it easy for a night out of fear you might actually die if you consume any more alcohol and YOLO.
11. Diarrhoea. Gross but it happens.
12. The back-to-work-monday feeling. Gone are the lie in's and mojito's by the pool. Say goodbye to getting appropriately smashed every night and dancing until the early AM. No longer will you sizzle in the sun, determined to get a tan just to ensure your friends back home are even more jealous. Instead say hello to 7 AM alarm sets, dont-forget-your-umbrella-because-it's-going-to-rain's, and boring trips to the pub where you'll sip on a glass of chardonnay despearate to be downing pints of Vodka Red Bull at Linekers again.
... I still miss Ibiza.
- LOVE FROM LORNA, X
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